I am

“I’m no angel 

I’m not sorry for letting you down 

I’m sorry for letting me down”


It is new year’s 

I’m not happy for my past

I’m happy for tomorrow 


I know who I am

I’m not your marionette 

I’m a free spirit 


I’m a bird

And I’m gonna fly

Searching the skies

For where happiness may rest

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Hurts to love 

​Growing up I wished that death became madane

and yet, 

every face I have known,

the lines that make up its perfections,

the smiles,

the sadness

the dark teary eyes

lines of senility

Stories told to the grey skies,

around the temples of my old man

I just want more

to see more

to laugh more

to love more

Forever maybe,

but a giggle 

Because It hurts to laugh

it hurts to love

and it hurts to see

Death,

like a dying flame

the ashes of my childhood fantasies

to embrace the reality of my broken heart

Salem

Stare long enough into the night, 

Until you see the stars 

And when your eyes become familiar with their shapes, 

Watch them fade, 

Die, 

before the break of a new sun



Life is joy, 

and suffering 

Fabricated dreams drawn in the clouds

changing at the blow of the first wind 



It is easier to accept the night

Faceless,

Blameless,

than the day



Before a thousand eyes,

peering into your soul 

ripping your guts for the vultures 

When church is where we belonged

Before the priest set afire on the witch 



And in all,

my short life I have cherished 

Known a thousand men but one soul

With no regrets,

my ashes will be swept along Salem’s streets 

I hate the roses

a sequence,

an alternate universe

growing up,

would I be happy?

watching the lines on your face

draw around yours eyes,

your smile

your temples,

changing from black to snow

 

it hurts,

it breaks,

watching a boy the other day,

when he cried out to mummy

why don’t I know?

what it is?

how it is?

to run into a mother’s arms

Did I forget?

 

Was I reminded?

of a face I once knew

looking back into the old days

when this heart graced in naivety

when foolishness was no crime

and fear was adventurous

“Mother”

“I cant hold on”

“I cant hold on!”

 

these blurry faces are deceitful

despicable

traded my soul for dust

can’t roses be roses?

without the snakes,

crawling inside their gardens

it hurts,

it breaks,

Would I love again?

tears to the skies

​screams,

and hundred dollar bills

 

a squeaking bed

Working behind closed doors,

pleasures known to a faceless man

 

she suffocates in her tears

“I am happy or sad?”

she wonders

 

It feels so wrong,

but so right

Is this where I belong?

 

within a rush of a fading high,

and the agony of a broken heart

 

my waning spirit,

it drifts in this endless cosmos

as I watch its infinite stars,

burning out,

one at time,

 

to when I become devoured,

into its black hole

with my tears to the skies

 

 

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