I thanked a bad man

At times you don’t have to be a thief to be one. I honestly didnt have control over whatever I was doing that day.
Many lessons learnt. Really hurting lessons. Imagine trying for the last six months to change into a better person you think you could be, but first person you meet points to your weaknesses.
A rush of anger and gratitude ran threw so first that I could not know what I felt. Angry one minute, and the other really glad. Well, atleast lessons of self improvement are not ones to be mastered easily. Persistence and determination are tools one should walk with every time along this path.
A slight relief to the new information but yet another step to being free and great. I wasnt hurt that I was to be call a thief. Atleast I was sure I didnt have any doing in that. But what? It happened! I was about to be or thought a thief. 
Before, I had really talked hard to a good man. A good man I liked to think he was though his actions proved otherwise. That was really what got me out of the ordinary me. Feeling bad for my own words. My mouth had betrayed me. Worse,  I knew that no matter who was right, in any argument, the quiet one most likely won. I was scared that I had lost an argument I had planned several hours before it happened. But what can one say? We are all humans.  Thats what we do.
Anyway what mattered? The “good man” still didn’t keep his word. No matter how many times a king would bend down to a slave, they would never be the same. They may look the same but never the same. I agree I wasn’t happy about my actions but not to see my bad.
They say survival brings out the ugly in us. May be we were just the other victims of circumstances. We were both survivors. 
But still, I don’t know if I survived being thief. Atleast you don’t need be the killer to be a convict. May be I was a thief that day. You see when honor is what a man seeks, actions like thiefty are really serious  dents on his armor. Anyway I don’t care about that. That was just two minutes of that day. The day I thanked the good but bad man.

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Good or bad

And I saw that neither purity of heart brings life to a better living nor does impurity to a worse living. But it all happens to all.
Being nice doesnt pays nor does being bad. Its all living. We don’t get paid to live.
Because your desires are for the good of all. It doesn’t grant their success. But rather desires occur with chance and time.  And that’s the great depression we live in.
I knew within and thought I was sincere and hoped that even God sees it. With that I was assured of my success. I was confident. I was self confident. But then King Solomon called self confident people fools.
Was I being self confident with sincerity as the pole I held on to for my achievements? It’s clearly foolish that I thought so. The world wasn’t and ain’t filled with sincere successful people.
So what is success and what brings it?  Its clear now that it can’t be good nor bad. And if it ain’t good and bad, then what is neither good nor bad? Cause that would definitely be the answer to success. 
He says its time and chance. King Solomon did.  Are they really truly the causes of success? Never to forget failure the nemesis. He could be right He was and is right.
Time is a creation of God like humans. Between day and night is a a simple rotation of the earth around the sun. And that creates times which in turn create the seasons and then generations.
And chance, I can’t tell yet. Could it be the occurance of different actions from different objects at a point in time?  I can’t clearly be sure.
And now chance and time bring success or failure? He could be right. He was and is right.
And then it can’t be time and chance, but rather the maker of all. It’s God. He grants success whether you are sincere or not.  He works as He pleases. Whether you believe it or not. That’s it.
You don’t breath because you helped yesterday or the other is dead because they killed today.
It doesn’t matter they happen.
Call it fate. Call it what you want.
It ain’t good or bad that we live.
But because we have to live. To live good or bad.
And you ask now, why do you have to help? Dont be foolish, when thirsty and offered a glass of water, would you be glad?  Of course you would. And that’s to live. Its much better to save a life than to cause a loss of one.

Slice of bread

And what does it matter if a brother stole a slice of bread but feels heavy in the heart like the other who kills his wife? I think it matters not. The weight of sin is the same. Whether its small or big in the human eyes, sin is a chain. I believe no one ever loves to be chained.
Freedom is what we want and sin takes that away from us. A slice of bread with a warm heart is better than a plateful with a cold one.  And sin no matter the size of the plate bears a cold heart. That’s if one is truly human.
Regret is a sword against sin used to cut down its filthy curtains. We know all that with remorse is true repentance. 
And when I write this hoping that someday a fellow may see the light.  Probably walk in it. The light of freedom. Freedom from sin through a deeper understanding of the true power of regret.  Regret the honest repentance.
But what does everyone say, “don’t feel regret, everyone does it” this is not about what everyone does, its about what I hate to do. Its what chains me. I wish to be free and I hope you understand cause I don’t want to be and am not everyone, I am ME

Happy or sad? May be guilty

For real, I wasn’t sure what to do or not. I didn’t know what I did and why I did it.
All humans are the same. We live and all act tough everyday. But what is that? Its all a passing of time. 
I think if we only knew what really happens when one dies, may be it would all make sense.
So now, one has to live like how every human has. Act responsible for something when in reality we are not. All because deep within we are told we are responsible, that we have to do something. And that’s the guilty.
I learnt sometime that if I ever needed to truly be happy given any moment that I should never ask one question. Which question was, “and now, where is or what was the fun in doing this or that?” And it was true.
After a time of indirectly use of this question, I accidently lost happiness.  I knew I had to be happy but I wasn’t.  I knew I had more than what some people whether above,below or even my age would ever have but still wasn’t happy.  I could clearly see the good I had thus my lack of happiness wasn’t a cloud of negative thinking of the bad around me. It was just one of those days. I was not happy but not sad. I wanted answers. I really thought I had forgotten happiness. May be I had for a moment.
We mostly know what we have done before any finger is pointed at us. We are our very first accusers.  Thus guilty starts right inside us under most cases where it stays. In other cases as an external influence.
But then what is inside us? Is it the heart, mind, soul or spirit? Is it all of them? Are they all responsible for thought?  Well, thought was the most possible answer to what happiness, sadness or guilty were. They were all elements of the same material “thought” but different states in composition “emotions”. They are thoughts.  Thoughts from the mind? Soul? Spirit? Or heart? That you may answer as you please.
Thus happiness is a thought. Same for sadness and guilty.  There are just triggers to these emotions through thought. And hence “he who controls his thought,  controls his life through his actions. ”
I only wish to a live a happy and meaningful life. I believe when one seeks to understand guilty, he seeks to know his mistakes. To provide a justification for every action.  To live a happier life.

Found this… is it lovely?

Declare the sweet and awesome things about you…

I declare and decree that Am a bond -servant of Jehovah, whatever I declare is established in the name of Jesus
My speech is full of power because I have been given a spirit of power, Am a demonstrator of the spirit, kings shall  surely come to my rising
Am far above all principalities and  powers ,my weapons of warfare are not carnal but they are mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds, casting down all imaginations that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.
Am a healing technician, an atomic boom, my explosions are supernatural. Am unpredictable, No devil or man can predict my moves…
I Am the resurrection, a wonder, the righteousness of God, I Am a life giving machine, Zowe is in me.
God works in me both to will and to do according to his good pleasure, in him I abound to every good work…
I have a treasure in me, in fact I Am the head and not the tail… Above only and not beneath. I can’t be defeated… in him I live, in him I move, in him I have my well-being…
I Am the light of the world, No darkness can ever comprehend me. A city on a hill that can not be hidden. I light up people’s worlds. I Am just as Christ is cause Love is made perfect in me everyday…
My words are the light to men cause the entrance of the word brings light and it gives understanding to the simple!
My father is doing exceedingly, abundantly, above all that I can ever think or imagine with the power that is working within me; Moreover that is why what No eye has seen! what No ear has heard! what has not entered the hearts of men is what must happen in my life in the name of Jesus.
Therefore I boast in the Lord for the sufficiency is of God who has made me an able minister of the new convenant.
Am full of peace and I give peace through Christ by the standard of the word of Jehovah God. Therefore the peace that surpasses all understanding is working in me…

That addiction

Life is a nothing but crossroads in all aspects of life. Its about choice. Thus we can clearly see that one can only take one path at a time. Thats the price for the use of time, for “time is like a river, one can never touch the some waters twice”, a wise man said. Luckily, one can cultivate his mind to imagine the altervative alongside a path chosen. With this, one could always choose better and probably live better.
And so we look at sin. Can one choose the same path every time one meets the same crossroad? Can one choose the same action every time one has to decide on whether to or not to sin? Well the choice with sin is about the virtues of doing what is right and not doing what one wishes to do. And so, character being merely a composition of different accumulated habits overtime becomes a major contributing factor to this choice. And with this, we look at habits that are addictive and seriously criticized by the society. Like gambling, smoking drinking among others. A man passing the same bar every morning may wish to stop drink but continuously visits it everyday. A man says to himself, just one more cigarette and I will surely be done this time. And in all, they may seem not to stop. Why?
And so here is this crossroad these men meet everyday from which two futures could be present. But alas they choose the “I will drink” or “I will smoke” paths ignoring the other. I like to assume that after thousands of times there is a probability that the other path would be choosen more often. Eventually developing an addiction of not doing it. And with that it will be a triumph for that person. And so, one could advise an addict to probably try it out till an infinite number as to some point, there will be a turning point.  But unfortunately, nature holds no empathy to he that chooses death over life, laziness over hardworking, folly over wisdom. Thus we resort to ones “will” to say no.
Honestly, we can’t say that all addicts are of no will hence are inferior.  Humans are addicts. Only that in this case, these particular humans are addicts to what is socially undesirable.  Thus it would be foolish to be quick to judge and not to understand.  But how does one build a will to say no to this daring problem? As for one, I look at every addiction in any life as an opportunity for one to build oneself. Imagine a spiral spring being compressed.  At every force applied on compression, is an equal or more force to be expelled after the release.  Now, imagine the capability of any addict after those many forces compressing him or her to a point of a no, I will never do this again. Imagine the explosion of all that kept building with in. Imagine the flames of that burning hate for all that one did. Well, one said mutual hatred is stronger than mutual love. He could be right. And will is simply love and hate. When one says he loves seeing happy faces, one simply hates seeing sad faces. Thus the will to put happy faces by helping others is simply the hate for seeing sad ones. And now, remember the hate inside any addict who wishes to stop. That addict clearly has the will to stop the habit. The will Is just not yet compressed enough as to lead to the big leap to freedom. The hate is just not yet strong enough to amount to the will to say no. The will to love be free of the mind. But as the hate grows, so is the will. The will to develop oneself completely in all aspects of life at all crossroads and not only for that habit. And so, the will is always there and it’s built unknowingly.
I thus believe that an addict stands a chance of a higher achievement in life as compared to a non addict. An addiction is an opportunity to build more in oneself towards greater achievements in life. Well, is he not a better man he that goes through hell and returns victorious to this earth? Wouldn’t that person accomplish more than any man will ever do? Ask around, most achievers passed through the hell of self-development as to do greater work. Their addictions could have been not socially undesirable, but they struggled through.

A silent fool

Everyday becomes one word less.
Ha! Oh God! What could this really be? A life for the words too?
Words grow, age and die. And so, isn’t that a life?
The more I think I know, the less the words. Cause what I get to know is that they just won’t get it.
And so, does silence make one a fool? Cause now I understand what the mind is. Its the loudest thing I have ever know.
I mean, literally its a continuous debate for almost all life. One topic after another. Some are concluded. Some are not.
This is the life we got from thinking. Thinking which is nothing but words. Words which are things. Things which we see or may see. Or may not.
Ha! I like the mind. I like to speak buy love to listen.
Its how am living now. A silent fool I would seem. But God knows why.

Bad

And now I know, you don’t know how bad an action looks like till you enjoy a company of fools who unknowingly help you “wiseman” to grieve endless for your stupid actions…
I don’t think am a perfectionist but I agree to some level of satisfaction from my deeds. Whether good or bad I would regret. Thus I say today, I did bad yesterday or may be will do the same tomorrow. But today, I will do good.
Then I think, so why should I be nice? I know not a just place for a just man under the heavens. So would I do bad? I wonder…
But truly, one can never get any satisfaction from what one thinks is wrong. And may or not get satisfaction from what one thinks is right. Thus I would conclude, the world is good and more bad. In all, man must try to find the good in it. That’s the fault in the stars. Or rather the games we play till we die. Endless games of chasing wind.
And then I learn today, even from a fool will come a big lesson that no man is better. We are teachers and examples to one another.
And so I do good, simply because I hold the end of all truly good deeds is happiness. But then in the end of all bad whether knowingly or not is regret…

The sin

And so I thought, I would let myself fall into this sin.So deep. I would may be find the answer.
I would see myself like in deep ocean with nothing around me…
I would see myself in a big space with nothing around me…
I knew at a certain I would feel may be totally nothing from this continuous torment to my own soul. For I know am no better than any other. Besides, sins I have done are known to me and God unlike you my brother.
I live everyday with my head just above the water. Afraid that I would drown. But surprisingly I never do. In a big flame which truly makes me thirsty but never burns me out.
I know not what I do and why I do it.
In all, am a jailer to my own happiness by my own actions.
Am starting to think that my mind is but another person. Its doesn’t regret anything but my soul cries.
I long for the days I thought I was pure. I would freely judge all. And it felt right. But now I know, the wiser one becomes, the sadder one may become. He was right. King Solomon was right. The only true happiness and sadness is wisdom.
But ironically I know I will keeping fighting even in the deep ocean,  deep space. For my energy is a stream of positive thoughts. And for sure, nothing is more that positive will. For it defeats energy itself…
And so what am I writing here… God knows.
Oh yeah! Its about a journey to the end of this sin. To may be fully understand it somehow.
“If I can’t fight u head on, so why not entertain this sin as to unveil its secrets?”

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