New sun

The time is uncertain 

Wishing upon a time long gone,

I should have kissed you

Made love to you

Where words won’t say

Of an adoration

Of an open sea

Once violent, 

But now calm

With her gentle ripples 

To drift us into a new sun

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I hate the roses

a sequence,

an alternate universe

growing up,

would I be happy?

watching the lines on your face

draw around yours eyes,

your smile

your temples,

changing from black to snow

 

it hurts,

it breaks,

watching a boy the other day,

when he cried out to mummy

why don’t I know?

what it is?

how it is?

to run into a mother’s arms

Did I forget?

 

Was I reminded?

of a face I once knew

looking back into the old days

when this heart graced in naivety

when foolishness was no crime

and fear was adventurous

“Mother”

“I cant hold on”

“I cant hold on!”

 

these blurry faces are deceitful

despicable

traded my soul for dust

can’t roses be roses?

without the snakes,

crawling inside their gardens

it hurts,

it breaks,

Would I love again?

tears to the skies

​screams,

and hundred dollar bills

 

a squeaking bed

Working behind closed doors,

pleasures known to a faceless man

 

she suffocates in her tears

“I am happy or sad?”

she wonders

 

It feels so wrong,

but so right

Is this where I belong?

 

within a rush of a fading high,

and the agony of a broken heart

 

my waning spirit,

it drifts in this endless cosmos

as I watch its infinite stars,

burning out,

one at time,

 

to when I become devoured,

into its black hole

with my tears to the skies

 

 

empty universe

I cannot look into her eyes

the soul of a mother long gone

I hate my face in the mirror
I dread the stranger within

My sunken brown eyes are faded
Like the falling sand,
the statue of my self is erased

Life is a joke,
and I’m the clown
I perform to an empty theater,
and laugh at my own shadow

The voices are in my head,
the puppets and the songs
the whisperers and the screams

When I lay in the dark,
alone,

sometimes,
I close my eyes,
to the howls of my demons inside

Mother,
I’m married to the night

Someday I had hoped,
that when I’m done with my acts,

Maybe,
In the heavens,
where you live
We would laugh forever,
like we always did

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