Category Archives: pain

Another moon (sherry redo)

Guns and boots
Snapping dry wood beneath
Howls of the hounds
The chorus of their blood lust

My heart to kill
A maddening thirst
That devious maiden
But another to reminisce

I write to God
And all my appeals in vain
For I am a monster too
One to be butchered in the dark

With another moon to seek,
The true lines of her light of her orb
But the hounds draw in close
And I am certain of my demise

Scars of addiction

It is the guilt,
Regret, plunging self-esteem
Hate, worthlessness,
Prejudice, hopelessness,
Secrecy, deception,
Desire, emptiness,
Rage, craziness,
Weakness, satisfaction,
Relief, anguish,
Brokenness, betrayal,
Joy, thrill,
Sadness, anger,
Hurt, misery,
Abuse, depression,
Loneliness, boredom,
Power, control,
Dreams, fantasies,
Violence, and suicide
That wound up,
The scars of addiction

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Far from home

So I prayed today
At the altar under a roof,
Standing, a rusty but rugged cross,
On a peak, towards the sky

The candles fared,
Wavy flames danced with my own shadow
On dusty stone walls and aged furniture,
As silence masked the night

The midnight hour,
Transitioning into a future,
A present,
Dragging in a past,

These dreams of rue 
Incorporated in a self,
To be buried in tears,
And left longing, for an escapade

The forgotten soul

The night so vicious,
Not even sleep shall come to save you from your torment

Between hell and heaven
To feel and not feel

Pain or joy
Love or hate

Alive or dead
Angels or demons

Blurry lines of swirling confusion
Spinning endlessly in a turmoil of flooding thoughts

No escape from the solitary cell of your mind
Wicked laughter stereo playing round and round

Devoured by loneliness,
But not oblivion, which would be way better

To fade slowly, away,
Vanishing like white smoke in a dark space

Your screams buried below the earth,
Dying slowly to a piercing silence

But between gates of heaven and hell,
Moans of the dead or praises of the living

To know the good and the bad
And yet, words hold no meaning

Except torment, 
The world of the damned

Unacclaimed by God or the devil,
The forgotten soul

Why foolish heart? (Your shadow I remember)

Am not angry that you didn’t show up,
But at my heart for hoping, even when it was clear,
That it was your shadow I saw,
When you turned to walk away from me

A blackish figure moving far away with each step
Head low,
Hands loosely swinging on your shoulders
Striding through piles of snow

Never looked back, not even once
Why, did I leave the door open?
In the freezing nights of the winter
As I lay in my bed, cold, never warm

I was scared of the dark,
Afraid to fall asleep in a lone bed,
Forsaken by night’s dreams of paradise
But vivid nightmares that you hated me

Burnt all my oil in the lantern,
Never had enough you know,
So I always borrowed some cents to cover the next nights
And yet those too hardly helped

But thanks to the moon,
On some nights, I sat by the door,
Looked at her, swim in the vast dark greyish sky
Despite being alone, she always made her way

And so, I hoped foolishly,
Believing you were my moon,
That you would always find your way
And I see you did,

But not to the doorstep of my heart,
But another, and so it aches,
From the long cracks running,
From the roof to its foundation

Why foolish heart?
The naivety of a young mind,
Now wrinkles of an old soul we nurse
Like grief, why this much pain?

Why do I still hope?
Even now, that my eyes water,
As my heart bleeds from these deep painful cuts
Why foolish heart? WHY?!

Tatters of trust

The blades of betrayal cut deep,
Through the fabrics of the heart

A world never the same again
Contrastive, a true self revealed

The hypocritical roses of love,
Lying in these webs of deceit,

Lured by soft words of a smooth tongue
To be broken at the cliff of bliss

Now, fallen to the dark world of the unforgiving,
A vindictive soul garbed in tatters of trust

Blanket of depression

The shallow pool of pleasure
Florescent flowers of wicked deeds
stinking, the soul of a lost man

Covered in creams of perfumed oils,
Smelly clots of an afternoon sweat
Dyed, his shreds of the heart

He walks head high around a street corner,
Fine silk, white, the dusty toes of yesterday’s journey,
Towards a secret brothel of his habituation

Left and right, a foolish eye
Dropping fifty cents for a second,
Behind tattered curtains in a down town

Onto his bare chest,
Shooting rays of the sun,
Through tiny holes of grass covering

His mind yells in the darkness,
But clouds of desire rain fast and loud
Screening perfectly, the screams of elation

Time after thirty seconds,
Eyes wide open to a beautiful family,
A cherished daughter and kind wife,

Sudden, calm, the storm of desire
Worthless, the art of slippery,
Through, the thin walls of disgrace

Lying before, the mirrors of regret
Shattered, pieces of a broken trust
And now, covered in this blanket of depression

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