Some days are deeply engraved into the calendars of our lives. Like markings on wooden furniture, I imagine carpentry of a fine artist, “God of course” or whatever you think controls the wheel of time.
Anyway, carefully, He marks the edges of each date. The rounds of an eight or the lines that make a four. Crafting them so well, that parts of our souls are pinned onto these digits. Like shreds, but pieces of our hearts.
We all mostly say that those are just memories. But yet, sometimes it does feel more. Like each thought appears real. Almost like reliving that day, event, or moment.
Sometimes you take pleasure in the sweetness of that memory. You feel like its a déjà vu. The sounds, weather, or the feel of fog on your skin.
Quickly, your mind races to that date. Your hands run smoothly on the imaginary markings and edges of a smile slowly appear on your face. That date could be your wedding, day of your child’s birth or anything. And this I call beauty of the human mind.
But unfortunately, this same mind, slips back to a dark date. Sometimes, an unfortunate loss, accident, rape, and more. We know them. And we dread them.
Some say that those things we love most reflect things we fear. Some convince themselves that they fear nothing. And yet, they actually love some things. Others that they don’t love, and yet again fear some things.
Anyway, I myself have my dates. Some I smile, others I frown. And yet, most days, I really do frown a lot.
So you wonder why?
Well its simple. My older brother asked me once, “what did we do to God to take both of our parents?” I was young, and now am grown. And that QUESTION resonates loudly in my mind now that I can think freely.
I can make a list of all things I would have enjoyed doing with my parents. And I can’t write a list of things that i would do without them. But well, we only live once. And THAT bothers me most. My brothers and I will NEVER have that EVER.
So I grew up hearing different reasons why everything happens. And I can tell you, none justifies being orphaned at an early age where grownups convince you about how your parents went to work and never returned. Or living in some beautiful place in the skies? And because you are young, you do actually believe them. Can you imagine the feeling when you come realise that you have missed quite a lot? Why in the skies and not here to teach me how to shave?
Anyway, this is why I frown and tend not to love so much but assume love for only a few things, setting my self targets to bury my loud thoughts, and likely pass onto another world if there is.
And yet I should say, I do smile just like you. Because, despite growing up without parents, I do have one now. She took us in and gave us a home. And to that am really glad but won’t write about her today. May be another time.
So I say, this world a crazy place, blessing those that it has broken.